Par-ty!

I cannot believe I typed a whole long post and deleted it! I know if I do not attempt this again right now the day will be lost :( my hands are cramped and my eyes are burning but the story must be told...but not without some chocolate first so hang tight! :)

Now that I have a mouth full of Korona with more in arms reach, I will attempt to retell the story and hope I don't leave out any of the good stuff...

So at about 12:30 today I picked the kids up for some shopping. I had already told the kids what we needed to buy and how many but we were only 2 steps in to the bizarre when I suggested socks and Ivan said "nooo..its okay" So back out we go, to the side, out of the way of the crowd. I take out my phone and pull up the online translator. I basically told them if we do not buy clothes they will be naked when I get them. That seemed to do the trick. :)

We quickly found a jacket for Olya and were off to a great start...I thought. It was hard for them though...they were concerned about costs and didn't want to seem like they needed anything...I guess trying not to be what they might think is a burden or problem. I would point at each stand and say "this? Or this? Do u like? Yes? No?" and eventually moved to "pleeease! Help!" and slowly we began to find things.

Overall we did well. We still need a few things but we checked most things off our list. It stinks not being able to bargain shop...there just is what there is but what choice did I have?

They both only found one top each that they liked. I would not have picked either one...they are very Ukrainian like, probably will not wear them long in America but they were not inappropriate and they were happy so....its all good.

On the way back to the hotel to drop off our things, we stopped in the super market. We bought toothbrushes, deodorant, men's shampoo, shower sponges (or whatever they are called lol) and candy. They certainly know what kind of candy they like and were finally comfortable enough to choose a few things when I asked them to. :)

Later we headed to dinner in a cafeteria style restaurant. It was so much easier for them because I think they are becoming more comfortable letting me know what they like (not as comfortable as our other 5 kids though. Ha!) and they could see what they were choosing.

At dinner they told me about how little time they get for eating at the orphanage. They have to shovel in their food and move out. I shared with them what I witnessed of Nadia at the Baby House...they practically choked the children shoving WAY too much food and WAY too fast into the mouths of these little ones.

As we walked back to the hotel we were on the discussion of learning English. It turns out they already speak 3 languages...Russian, Ukrainian and Bulgarian! I told them to know 4 languages is incredible, maybe someday they will make good money with this knowledge. :)

At the hotel we got just a little bit rowdy lol. The bubbles from Gymboree that Ashley sent with me were put to good use by the girls. Olya and Nadia were having a blast!

Soon Ivan was taking pictures with my phone and everyone (ok..me and Olya...but mostly Olya) was getting silly. We laughed a lot...I wondered if we were being disruptive of the other hotel guests but only hoped not lol

Olya is a very fun and silly girl. Ivan is also fun but would get concerned if he thought Olya was being too silly but I tried to reassure him it was okay, she was fine.

At about 4:30 I was going to call the cab to be sure I had them back by 5. The kids insisted that the caregiver said between 5 and 7 but the fact that she and I both showed 5 fingers and she said "pyat" ("five") and I mimicked the same, I thought it was pretty clear they were to be back by 5. How they convinced me to keep them until 6:00 I may never know. Can you imagine how bad that could be if I was supposed to have them back at 5?! What a risk! I must be crazy!

At 5:30 we were getting ready to go. They then tried to convince me that I did not have to drag Nadia back out in the cold and to just send them back alone in the cab. Eh...I think not! Noway! Yeah, have them back an hour late and I am nowhere in sight. Not happening!

When we got to the orphanage it was completely dark out (we turned the clocks back last week). There are no lights on the grounds yet there were unsupervised children playing on the monkey bars in the dark and other little kids playing soccer.

As we came around the outside of the building I heard LOUD MUSIC BOOMING! I asked what it was and they claimed it was the tv. Seemed too loud to be the tv though.

We walked into the building, down the hall and music was getting louder. It seriously sounded like and almost felt like I walked into a night club! We rounded a familiar corner (ah, the one I was standing at when I was told to bring them back at 5) and down the hall, towards the stairwell to their rooms, was pitch black! And I do mean pitch black! This is where the loud music was blaring from. I asked "what is this?" and they said "ahh...disco". I asked "dancing?" and Olya says "yes. You don't like? I like?" Its not that I don't like dancing....well, not sober but that's a different blog lol...just seemed surprising.

In the darkness I guess I expected strobe lights...were there actually children in there?? So as we stood there trying to talk over the music, they were telling me there is no teacher or caregiver for me to return them too....AGAIN, like yesterday (huh?)..the lights turned on in the common area ahead for just long enough for me to see a few kids...2 were maybe 7, 8 or 9 years old! Sound like a recipe for disaster? Wow!

So I want to know....can I take me kids out yet??

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Kids Outside Dekanka

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Our First Outting

I feel a long post coming on :) Not really in the mood to post but I do want to share about my incredible day with the kids so we'll see how this goes (lol)....

So there is a sweet girl 'N' at the orphanage. She is actually a 'graduate' back visiting during their fall break. More about her another time but she speaks English. She was hosted in the States twice, once for 2 months. Between such visits and self teaching, she speaks incredible English and has done some translating for me with the kids & caregivers and even for some phone calls on speaker phone between the kids here and Dan & the kids back home.

Anyway, long story short, she tells me she is certain I would be allowed to take the kids out...don't need to wait for court or chaperone. Yana will not be back until court but was under the assumption I would not be able to take them without a chaperone. So I hadn't thought to ask until now. 'N' brought me to some teacher (seemed more important than a teacher but not the Director). It was 2:30, so I asked if I could take them for food and shopping for 2 hours. She said it was fine...I could keep them until 7 or 8 !! Wow! I was so excited and so happy. Thinking back on my reaction I think I was much like our Yana when she is excited about going somewhere or getting something she really wants lol. The kids were equally excited.

We were going to attempt clothes shopping downtown. I hope I will be allowed to keep them after court and they will need clothes, shoes...everything. Basically they come only with their birthday suits, so shopping is important.

I quickly learned they are not familiar with downtown
..have hardly ever been, only when going to the doctor or something like that. The stores close super early so everything was shutting down. I decided I would just pick them up tomorrow and we would go out right away to do our shopping.

We made our way to dinner and it quickly sank in how little they experienced life outside the orphanage. I knew Yana was the same way...everything was new but she was not quite 10 and from such a tiny little village. These two are older, are from a small city and have been hosted before. I have been hearing about adopting teens and all of these freedoms they are used to. I was hearing about the teens in Odessa that are even on the computer...even Facebook and I had started to think my experience with Yana was old news I guess. But it is not so.

These kids have never been to an amusement park or zoo. They really have no idea what kind of food they like. This was an obstacle at the restaurant. Seriously they didn't know what to order..I made some suggestions but still they didn't know. I didn't know either. The 2 things on the menu I know I like, they weren't serving or didn't have. Ugh. The kids explained they are not use to having choices, so they don't know what they like or want to have. The pressure of the server who would not go away was stressing me out so I just ordered 3 of the same chicken dish. I translated on my phone that it was okay (you could see they were nervous about not knowing what they would like to order or what they like). I explained there are too many choices for me too, I don't know what I like here either..we will just keep trying different stuff until we find something we really like. That seemed to ease the tension.

Dinner was fine but waiting for the taxi afterwards was a blast! We were taking pictures and having much difficulty and being blinded by the flash from my cell as it would stay lit for a long time before actually taking the picture. Doesn't sound like much fun but we about laughed ourselves to tears.

I love how comfortable they both are with me. How they will put their arm around me and sit close as we took pictures. I loved holding hands with Olya as we walked to dinner but most of all I loved how when we hugged goodbye they both told me "I love you".

I said "it was a good day". Ivan said "yes, good time". Those smiles were priceless.

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Getting Acquainted

Where to start....

The past 2 visits were great, everyone is more comfortable and there is not such a struggle to fill in the quiet moments.

We worked on some English and I am blown away at how much they already know. They know many objects, actions, descriptions, can count and know the alphabet and the alphabet sounds...not to perfection but are still pretty awesome.

Even words they do not know they learn quickly, especially Ivan. However when we practice family member and pet names it is Olya who excels. Ivan was cracking us up today because as he was trying hard to remember family member names he not only said Olya's Americanski middle name but his own as well. Too funny!

I was talking to Ivan's teacher, Vera (means "Faith" in Russian), today about taking her and the kids out to dinner. Looks like we will all do this Sunday. I am excited!

Nadia has definitely taken to the kids. Like at home she prefers females over males but still enjoys the company of both kids. Today and yesterday she cried when we left. She understands enough to know that we are adopting them and when we go to America they will come with us as her brother and sister. Still she tells me she is sad they can't come with us now but happy they will be her brother and sister too. Its just so sweet.

Once again I am making friends in Ukraine and it just warms my heart. The hotel we are staying at is nice...as I have previously mentioned. It is very small and only has like 4 rooms for rent! Kateryna is the owner and appears to live in a beautiful (by UA standards) home attached. The staff are all women, usually just 1 or 2 working at a time. EVERYONE has been sooo loving and caring towards us. We were going to look into renting an apartment because a month at $45/night adds up probably more than 1 months rent at an apartment. So Kateryna offered us another room here. Everything but the 2 beds is smaller (the bathroom, shower, room and tv) and it has no balcony but it is plenty perfect for us...and she gave us a discount. So now for $30/night and free home cooked meals (though VERY small portions that Nadia and I share) we will stay in this room for the remainder of our time here. They are so good to us and ADORE Nadia. We can and do use the kitchen downstairs but it is also VERY small and I don't cook anything more than oatmeal and tea. :) we have a small fridge in the room so I keep juice, cheese, bread, sandwich meat and Korona chocolate in it lol

Funny, I came here prepared to wash our clothes by hand and hang them indoors to dry. Well when we traveled here I was wearing a new black cardigan and Nadia a white velour sweatsuit. By the time we arrived her white was on my black and my black was on her white (we won't do that again!). So when Kateryna let me know they do a load of laundry at $5 a load, I decided to give them my first few pieces of clothing but not before asking about drying the clothes, thinking I didn't want to wait for these things to dry and they should get it done much faster than I could. Apparently I didn't quite ask the right questions because my little load of laundry took 3 day to make its way back to us. So my clothes obviously were still being hung to dry just not where I could see them lol. I think I'll hang on to my money next time. ;)

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

We Got a Court Date!

Well the first steps of getting the top 3 best referrals of all history came on appointment day, October 22.

The following day I met the kids and we all quickly agreed to the adoption. Yesterday we received the necessary approvals. Today we received the inspectors conclusion and submitted our application to the court. We have been scheduled a court hearing for next Tuesday!



Tonight our documents are making there way back to Kyiv to be submitted tomorrow to the State Department of Adoptions (SDA). They should release the approved documents on Monday to be sent here overnight for us to have for court at 9am Tuesday morning.



If all goes well in court, there will be a 10 day mandatory wait before receiving the final decree. Then we will get their new birth certificates (should be done in a day), then we can apply for their passports. Unfortunately it usually takes 5 days in Odessa to get these back. However I think I recently heard kids who got them back in 3 days and then just 1 day for another I THINK.



The kids also own 1/4 of a family apartment that they may need to divest from but there may be another way around this...we will see.



Then we are free as birds to head to Kyiv for about 2 days before heading home. Let's pray it all goes smoothly and quickly.



Thinking back to our last two smooth in-country adoptions....



SDA appt/ referral for Yana on March 2, 2006 - court March 14 - on American soil on April 1

(referral to court 12 days -17 days after court 'til home)...



SDA appt/referral for Nadia on Sept 2, 2008 - court Sept 11 - on American soil Oct 3 (referral to court 9 days - 23 days after court 'til home)...



SDA appt/referral for Ivan & Olya Oct 22, 2009 - court Nov 3 - on American soil TBD (referral to court 12 days)...



So any bets on when we will be home? :)



I was going to post about my awesome day visiting with the kids but i'll save that for a separate post. Just know it is great and it just keeps getting better!

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

My Dora Addicted Daughter

First let me just say it would have been a HUGE mistake to have cancelled or postponed this adoption because of Nadia needing to come with me. I don't just say that because Ivan & Olya would be stuck here without a family longer but because it really is not such a big deal to have her with me. Sure the Ergo Carrier is a must but no other issues. I do enjoy her company...it certainly helps with downtime. And for crying out loud she is my daughter, not a burden or inconvenience. Praise God for speaking through my dear friend Tanya to encourage me to bring Nadia....just a change of plans not a closed door.

As many times as Nadia has requested to watch Dora she really seems to enjoy Russian/Ukrainian cartoons. Funny that right now she is watching one that is teaching English!

So picture this...Nadia on my back in the carrier. We are in Kyiv still and I am supposed to be meeting Konstantin at the SDA. I am not sure which way to turn and Nadia hears me say, "hmmm, not sure which way to go". She then starts in with "Mom you've got to say map! Say map! Louder! MAP!". Right in my ear I must add. LOL

I have heard "come on! Let's go! Vamanos!" more times than I can count.

And what about " thanks for your help! Gracious!"

But what cracks me up is that the "grumpy old troll" song is BUMPY old troll to her...there is no correcting her. So with each cab ride...which is always a bumpy ride...she will say "whoa! Bumpy!" them breaks out into song "bumpy old troll, bumpy old troll..." she's a riot!

Everyone loves Nadia. There is no running around our facilitator is taking care of everything without dragging us all over Ukraine.

Nadia is relearning Russian. It is pretty cool and fun. She is ready to help me teach Ivan and Olya English. We picked up a picture dictionary of Russian/English, some paper, markers, colored pencils, coloring books (for Nadia) and a book that teaches kids how to draw. This should get us started. Also Dan is sending us a document via Fed Ex today that is needed for court. If he is able (has to work) stick a deck of Uno cards in the package he will send those too.

Time to get ready to see the kids and Nadia is climbing on me like a jungle gym so....paka paka!

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

More Pics

Here are a few pics from our visit today. Day 4 and the kids are wearing the same clothes as each day before :(

By the way, for those who have adopted teens and pre-teens, what kinds of things did you do during your daily visits. I fear we are quickly going to be just staring and smiling at each other soon. I don't want my visits to bore them, I want us to enjoy one another's company. Any suggestions?

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Izmail Downtown Market

Here are just a few.

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Ivan (Ive-on) & Olya (Oh!-lee-a)

Let's all practice saying their names right from the start...or relatively from the start. ;) I know I was not pronouncing them correctly and no doubt I am not alone. Their names are much more attractive and even beautiful when pronounced correctly. I will never be able to say it like a Ukrainian but that does not mean I have to say it like a clueless American either. So family especially, please practice saying it right and teach others to do the same.

Today I spent nearly 3 hours at the orphanage. However, I only saw Ivan (Ive-on) for the last 30 minutes. Because Nadia was sick, we had told the kids I would not be back until Monday. Ivan (Ive-on) had gone to the downtown market to buy a cord for the tv ??

I did spend the whole time with Olya (Oh!-lee-a). So interesting to meet her again. She was much more relaxed, and confident. She is a very pleasant and sweet girl. She was very helpful with Nadia and helping me to carry things since I had my hands full with Nadia.

I spent time just hanging out with Olya (Oh!-lee-a), playing with Nadia and 5 year old Yulia (You-la) on the playground, blowing bubbles, taking photos of Olya (Oh!-lee-a) and asking questions to learn more about her. I am excited for her as she has many friends adopted by American families. Since they were hosted by Frontier Horizon it should be relatively easy to track them down so they can be in contact.

I was so happy to hear from Ivan (Ive-on) that he enjoys playing chess. Anthony will enjoy having a brother in the house who is only 7 months older, in the same grade and enjoys playing chess. I mentioned that Anthony also likes video games and he said he does too. Ivan (Ive-on) enjoys working out and building muscles. Perhaps he will be a good influence on Anthony in this area.

Olya (Oh!-lee-a) says she like basketball. Yana seems to as well. Although I had Anthony in mind when we bought the basketball hoop, I am picturing the girls putting it to good use.

I measured both kids to prepare for clothing shopping. They are very close in size to Anthony & Yana but just a bit thicker. I think in Ivan's (Ive-ons) case, he is also more muscular because he worksout.

Overall it was a great day. I really do feel love for these 2 already...it just blows me away. As a friend suggested, it is because we were not just brought together by chance. How beautiful and so true. Feeling so blessed and overwhelmed with love.

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

More From Today

Thanks to all who lifted Nadia in prayer; the meds and prayer did the trick and her fever broke. We still won't be visiting the kids this weekend but a few days of relaxing is probably just what we need. We are only 4 blocks from downtown so we will venture out tomorrow (haven't gone that way yet...or I didn't notice lol).

We had to leave the hotel today to see the notary at 5 (not quite the same as a notary in the US, much more involved and costs more). Nadia was sleeping but I would have to wake her anyway (rather pick her up while she was sleeping) so I asked Yana if we could go by the orphanage for 5 mins so I could see the kids. They hadn't taken their photo albums, don't think they realised they were for them to keep and I was anxious to take their pictures so I could email to Dan and the kids back home. I also wanted them to know that I felt badly about not coming back until Monday. So Yana made arrangements. I am SO glad I thought of it before it was too late as Yana headed back to Kyiv for the weekend to get her daughter.

Having been through this before I knew we needed to have the name thing figured out right away. Monday they will need this info for the paperwork so wanted to discuss it in the case the kids wanted to take the weekend to think about it. These 2 darling kids are just so agreeable...not in the "I am trying to please you" kind of way, they just have such a kindness and sincerity about them, it is obvious it is truly authentic. They will be easy to love. Can you tell I am falling already?

I won't announce their full names yet but Olya's name will not change. Vanya is a nickname for Ivan (pronounced ive-on). He would like to keep Ivan as his name as well as be called Ivan. So Ivan and Olya it is.

I learned that Ivan is not yet 15. I had looked at the year they were born, not the dates. He is actually 14 and will not be 15 until New Years Eve. We think that's perfect....more time with him before growing up and closer to Anthony's age.

We also learned that they are Bulgarian. Thought that was cool and interesting.

And SO happy to learn they speak Russian...not Ukrainian. I don't speak Ukrainian but do speak some Russian. Both Nadia and Yana spoke Russian too so that's cool.

More fun and interesting stuff, to me anyway, we drove through Moldova to get here! It was just a few km but I think so cool.

And how can I forget to share a few important and cherished moments of our last 5 min visit. Since we spent a few hours apart and they had time to think, I asked if they were still certain they wanted us to adopt them. They gave a very reassuring yes. :) Then when I went to leave I asked if I could give them a hug and they both smiled and said yes. Ivan hugged me first, it was sincere but still a teen boy hug. Then sweet Olya gave me a hug and my heart melted. Her hug was as warm as Yana's hug. Wow! I am confident these two are ready to be a part of our family, not just escape the orphanage.

My cup runneth over. I still can't believe this is really happening. I am so grateful.

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

God Is Good!

After an 8 hour overnight train (with the heat seriously cranked up) then a 3 hour cab ride (opted for the cab for $100 to get here faster) we finally made it to Izymial!



We checked in to a hotel. The hotel is about $45/night and is clean...AND has hot water & real shower. Being this is my third experience adopting from Ukraine I know these are things to be thankful for.



So the kids...yeah, bet you are anxious to here :) I did get to meet them but not without some drama first. When we got to the orphanage we found our they were waiting for their American host family. Oh snap! Please God I did not come all this way to find out another family is coming for them &/or they would be devastated to learn the family is not coming for them and need time before accepting the opportunity to be adopted by another family.



I know of the organisation they were hosted through and made a phone call. Other phone calls followed, including one in the middle of the night to the host family in Texas. The family confirmed they are not adopting.



The kids agreed to meet with me. I asked if they were upset the other family was not coming..they said "not really". I showed them pics and told them about homeshooling. I asked if they thought they would be happy in our family and they smile big and said "yes". Our in region facilitator, Yana said "wow, that was fast" then I asked if still needed more time to decide and I said "no". We were in agreement they should be in our family!



They seem like good kids, the host organisation said they are good kids as well as the Director. I a. Very excited. I could have cried right there.



No pics yet because they had to go back to class (Vanya 9th grade and Olya 7th grade). I was supposed to be going back tonight. I am so upset that it looks like I won't be. Nadia os burning a temp of 102.7! Tylenol is on the way.



Please pray for Nadia and praise God for our soon to be new additions!





Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

We Have Arrived :)

Long trip but we made it and it wasn't terribly painful. Our flight from Charlotte to JFK took a bit longer than anticipated as we were told the President was at the airport (or something) and were in a holding pattern for a while then headed to Baltimore to refuel. We refueled and waited. We finally got to JFK, still in time to check in for the next flight. However, our next flight (JFK to Kyiv) was delayed from 6:30 pm to 2:00 AM! It was a long wait to board that flight but Nadia was great and we made it.

It was all a bit strange...didn't feel like I was coming here to adopt without Dan and with Nadia in tow. So when the wheels finally hit the runway in Kyiv, tears filled my eyes, WOW were we really in Ukraine? Do I really have an appointment at the SDA tomorrow to adopt? Yes and yes :)

Anyway, we are staying at Konstantin's. I have showered and organized for tomorrow. Nadia is in bed next to me resisting sleep. She is too tired to tantrum but every few minutes she starts crying for about 10 seconds then goes back to sucking her finger lol. She was so good all day yesterday/today that I joked with K that I hope she didn't use up all of her good lol.

My appointment at the SDA is tomorrow at 9am (not sure if we are 6 or 7 hours ahead right now). I have no idea what will happen but please continue to lift us in prayer. I can tell you already are because I am at such complete peace it's as if I will not be rushing out the door to the SDA in the morning (or maybe I am just getting use to this lol)

More tomorrow!!!

Fw: We're on our way!

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Subject: We're on our way!

I am starting this post from Charlotte International but don't expect to complete this until sometime at JFK later today.

Well, I had a bit of a tearful goodbye with Dan, Anthony and Yana but i'm excited and happy. I refuse to worry about all the "what ifs..." wonder about all the "how's" or question this decision to bring Nadia. I am happy we are together as is she.

My concern when I woke this morning was how Konstantin would react. Of course his initial email shared many concerns but made clear if I wanted to bring her we would work it out. When we spoke this morning he was supportive of our decision like I asked him to be. I am so thankful for his friendship.

So my Nadia backpack and I are good to go. Please keep us and our family at home in your prayers, its obvious we have been coming up against a lot of opposition. Please keep the encouraging comments, posts and emails coming. You all really have lifted my spirits. I was especially glad to read the comment this morning about overcoming worse. Talk about putting things in perspective. So true!

Still in Charlotte :) I will post next from Ukraine unless I have anything interesting to report from JFK. *hugs*

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Last Minute Change of Plans!

Well, here we are, just you, me and 50 of my closest friends ;)

Today threw us a MAJOR curve and at about 6:30 pm tonight, I was thinking "Maybe I really am not supposed to be doing this". Of course I felt sick about this and cried my eyes out, pleading to God to help us understand, guide us, SOMETHING!

So what happened? The situation with Dan's FMLA was misunderstood, and as it turns out, salary or not, there would be no paycheck. OUCH! That was not planned for, nor budgeted for.

This meant that:

A.) I don't go. Too late to officially change the appointment, we would not be able to adopt.
B.) We take out a loan...wasn't feeling like that was God's plan but tempting.
C.) Dan stays home and works, Anthony & Yana stay with my parents while Dan is working, Nadia comes to Ukraine with me.

Well, after much emotional agony and talking with a loving & supportive friend, we have decided that Nadia is to come with me. It is certainly NOT the ideal situation. I mean, I am one of those that suggest NOT bringing young kids. Also, Nadia doesn't walk and Ukraine does not have even 25% of what we have in America for disabled persons...no ramps, lots of potholes...heck, we will be lucky to have an elevator.

A friend has come to my rescue. She has an Ergo Baby Carrier and is going to loan it to us for the trip (she is also loaning her notebook for me to use for better internet communication). She has used this carrier with her daughter, who weighs the same as Nadia, for full days at Disney and had no problems (carrying her on her back of course). She had even used it at times with her son who weighs approximately 20 more lbs...while he was having a tantrum! She says all of her weight will be on my hips. So while my legs will get a heck of a workout, it seems like the best option.

I do not look forward to hearing the response from my facilitator. I do not think he will be thrilled but pray he will understand and be supportive. My choice is to bring her and adopt 1-2 children who may otherwise never have a family or not adopt at all.

I am exhausted. I am emotionally wiped. Tomorrow morning I will go through Nadia's dresser draws (she is in her room sleeping now) to see what clothing will be appropriate to bring. Then after we pick-up the Ergo Carrier from Ashley, we will head to Old Navy to purchase any additional clothes needed for her (I expect it to get quite cold by the time we come home).

Nadia was crying earlier, from her bed. I went in to see what was wrong and she just kept crying and pointing out her doorway. Was she pointing to my bedroom across the hall where she saw me pack-up my suitcase earlier in the evening? I don't know, she didn't use her words ;). So I asked, "Nadia do you want to go to Ukraine with Mommy?" She gave a positive, "uh huh", then stopped crying. I said, "Okay, then you need to stop crying and go to sleep and I will buy you a ticket to go on the plane with me tomorrow. Okay?" Another positive, "uh huh". We exchanged kisses again, and she went to sleep. Maybe, just maybe, she really is supposed to go with me.

If you want to follow along...

you will need to send me (or post in a comment) your email address.
The blog will be private for my trip and I will try to keep it open only to those I know or "know" :)

So if you are interested, let me know. Don't get your feelings hurt if I do not add you, as I am taking it private for a reason.


Hugs!

Testing 1..2..3..

I am posting this from my blackberry. I will not have my laptop in Ukraine because I spilled ice water on it last month. :( hopefully my bb will still allow me to keep in touch, share brief updates and post pics.
Let's see how well this will work.

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Moving Forward

Thank you SO much for all of the encouraging emails and comments. Really, you guys are awesome!!

We have taken time for prayer & counsel and are in agreement on how to move forward from here.

First of all, some of those more mature in their walk of faith do not agree that we were disciplined (spiritually spanked lol). They were in agreement with my original feeling that if I were on the wrong path, God would have let me know in my spirit. I really liked hearing that.

Another thing pointed out is that all that we have been going through is not about the kids at all, it is about us and our relationship to God. Everything is about our growth in faith and relationship with God. I liked that too because it takes a lot of the guess work out as to "WHY?" everything turned out like it did.

And as pointed out, both Dan and I have been growing through this...others are pointing out a noticable growth in Dan and that has been my prayer. So again, praise God! And a spiritual growth TOGETHER in our marriage. Another answered prayer!

It has also been pointed out (and loved that it was again confirmed this morning with an anonymous comment) that God gave us this appointment at the SDA next week.

So here's what we are doing. I have put together a letter for "Faith". I have explained our concerns, the biggest being that she won't be happy here. I have shared about our family and some things that she would not know or even guess if I did not share them in this letter. Things that make us different than the average American family, many that pertain to us being a Christian homeschooling family.
We have let her know that I will be traveling to Ukraine next week. If she thinks she would be happy in our family I will ask for her referral but we do not think she is available to be adopted by Americans yet. (the SDA only told me earlier this year that she was not off the registry yet, through friends we think we know she is not available until December but have not been able to confirm that with the SDA). We explained that we will have to trust God to work it out if we are meant to be her family, whether that is through my travels next week or months from now through His provision.

Obviously I am going to my appointment next week. My first request, when I get there, will be for "Flower". Sorry, can't go to the SDA and not ask as we have been trying to adopt her for years. I expect a big fat "No" because she is in foster care but again, God can do anything. Depending on "Faith's" response to my letter, I will either ask for her referral or I won't. Again, I don't think she is registered so can't imagine that I would get it but again, we serve an awesome God.

The next step would be to request a boy/girl sibling group. Whether that is completely blind or mentioning siblings we have heard about but do not know anything about adoption status, is to be determined. We will search no more and prepare no further. I will just GO and trust God.

So that's the plan! Please continue to keep the adoption in prayer. I know that with the new orphan ministry I have been running in church, their will be attacks. I have not posted this here but we are bringing over a group of 10 Ukrainian orphans to be hosted for 12 days. Yeah, and guess when they are scheduled to arrive....4 days AFTER I head to Ukraine!!! All this work, and I will miss it :( Again, just trusting God.

Complete Transparency

I'm going to put myself completely out there with this post; I'm going to be completely transparent. For some you may be able to relate to the lessons I believe we are learning; for others, it may sound completely foolish. I believe if you know my God, and have an intimate relationship, you are more likely to understand. In any case, I'm a bit embarrassed to share but it is what it is and I know I have friends out there who will be able to offer words of wisdom and prayer. So here is goes....

Let's go back to spring of this year, when we were praying about starting this next adoption journey. We had "Faith" on our hearts. We prayed about adopting her and for God to provide if it was His will, then "D" offered to help us with our adoption expenses.

So many things happened that seemed to confirm over and over that we were supposed to be stepping out in faith to adopt "Faith". There were some potential obstacles with her family members, that turned out not to be as they were very supportive in our desires to adopt. Still, we were giving them time to truly decide if they wanted to pursue her adoption or if we should.

They kind of fell off the map. They stopped replying or answering calls from our contact. "Faith" went to summer camp and all communication got quiet.

Even before this happened we had friends (one of which is a caregiver at her internat, the other lives in the US but talks to this caregiver friend), warning us about "Faith". They said she has a "hard character" and is getting into boy trouble, so to speak. They did not think it was wise for us to adopt her. At first we brushed it off, we know these kids need love and are starved for it. We know God helped clean up our character and if it is His will for us to adopt her, we would have to trust Him to work everything out.

Then we heard about "Grace". She was on the hearts of a few others and everyone was advocating for her. She is a beautiful girl and I think her beauty got the best of us. We decided that it was a better idea to pursue her. We prayed, don't get me wrong, but we didn't wait on the Lord for His answer. I decided that if we were veering off the right path, I would know in my spirit. As I had previously mentioned Dan felt at one point that we should not be headed in this direction but did not stand up to that "feeling". We pressed on.

Obviously things fell apart in our adoption of "Grace" but before they did, I felt a burden upon my heart for these 2 boys. If we were going to adopt them we had to move quickly, so we did. Now our dossier is submitted and we have an appointment, but the boys are not adoptable.

I have been praying that God would show us the way, reveal to us who we are supposed to adopt, if anyone at all. The finances are now an obstacle. We have most of the expenses covered but there is $5,000-$8,000 that is not. We have decided we cannot accept any more money from "D". The failed adoption was bad enough. So we are in a more difficult situation financially than we were when we first started out.

Last night before I went to bed I prayed again for God to reveal the right path to us. I asked that it not be through circumstances though, because I am tired of guessing, I don't trust myself to know. I woke this morning to an email from my Ukrainian friend, "Faith" contacted him and wants to know how we are doing!!!

With much thought, reflection, a few tears and some discussion with Dan today, I wonder if we completely veered off the path when we went for "Grace". God didn't speak to my spirit maybe because He already had and now I was moving in a direction and not waiting for His response. I prayed and went. I now wonder if the failed adoption was discipline. He allowed us to go through that and then led us towards the boys to get us back on the path so we can get the daughter he had already spoken to us about and chose for us long ago, "Faith".

I don't know. We still hear bad things about her and I wonder if we are not losing faith in what God has already told us to do because of what the world is telling us. I don't know what to do. Well, I know we need to pray and we need to wait on God but it's hard. It's hard when I have tickets to fly to Ukraine for my appointment at the SDA in just 9 days.

So we are in prayer, maybe we should postpone our appointment until December and travel when "Faith" is available for adoption. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

In the meantime I am thinking we need to call "Faith" and go over a few things. I want to share our concerns and let her know a bit more about what she could expect if she comes to be with our family. We are a Christian family, we are strict on what we allow the children to watch and listen to. There will be no boyfriends, no sex, no more facial or body-piercings. We want to give/have hugs, a relationship with her as her parents and there will be rules and discipline as we feel necessary. We want her to know this, think about this and decide if she still wants to come. It's not Disneyland, she needs to know. I think if she understands this, as much as she is capable of without having ever experienced it, and still wants to come, we will go get her...provided the Lord is leading us to do that.

So in conclusion, we are thinking we have received a spiritual spanking and are being guided back onto the path we were once led down.

Please help us by praying for God's wisdom and guidance. Time is running short and a decision about our appointment date needs to be made. We really need to hear from God; your prayers are much needed.

Appointment Received But...

We received our appointment date for October 22nd! I will leave in just under 3 weeks, wooo hooo!! BUT...it turns out that NEITHER of the 2 boys are registered!! As one friend said it, it's just criminal! One of the boys has been a true orphan his whole life (parents deceased). The other should have been registered 8 years ago when the parental rights were terminated. Konstantin said they can try to fight it and get the 12 months registration waived but who knows if it will happen.

The interesting thing is that last night I had a dream we would not be adopting the boys. So while I wasn't necessarily consciously prepared for it, I do think my dream did in some way prepare me for today's news. (that and a good 11 hours sleep that I so desperately needed helped me get through this day without feeling defeated).

The good news is that Dan and I are on the same page. If we cannot adopt these two boys, we would like to adopt a girl/boy sibling group. So today we were on a mission to find a sibling group as I will be traveling soon and who knows what will happen.

We did find a sibling group we are interested in. The boy is just 2 weeks older than Anthony and sounds as though he has similar interests (chess & checkers) and the girl is 11 and has the sweetest smile. Both kids are said to be very good, sweet and honest children.

It's strange not to feel like we have just taken a massive blow with this news about the boys. One friend tried to encourage me to fight for them because she believes God put them on my heart for a reason. I can't say she is wrong, but I feel like I am learning so much from the last few months, much of which is, I believe I am capable of opening my heart to MANY different kids of different ages and personalities and needs. Another is that I am able to trust God for even what might seem like the craziest of paths (such as adopting 2 16-yr old boys). What if it were just a test for me to trust Him? I just think I won't know the answers to many things until I get to Heaven, and think this just may be one of those things.

This is not to say that I am not upset for these boys. This is so unfair to them but I can love and care for lots of orphans, but it doesn't mean they all belong in my home or in my family. I have been praying that God will lead us to the children He has chosen for us. I have prayed if this is not His will that He will close the door. I know sometimes there are obstacles and you have to fight but sometimes you just have to trust God even when you don't understand. The only way to know which situation you are facing is to have an intimate relationship with God and not pretend to be able to comprehend or able to figure out His thinking or plan. It's impossible! If I could, I would be God too and that I sure am not.
It also would not make sense for me to pray that He would close doors to paths He does not want us to continue on, then try to kick down that door. I just don't see God working that way. God knew I would pray for Him to close doors, why would He then put up a door for me to break through? This is not coincidence, nothing is.

With that said, Child Protective Services will be made aware of the situation and see what can be done. Please pray with us that again doors that we should not be walking through will be shut tight, and we will know not to pursue them. And paths we are meant to walk on, will be clear to both Dan & me.